What a Journey it had become:

Photos from the visit to Doctor Bonner in Birmingham 

At this time in the year, I would look in the mirror and barely see myself. I looked nothing like I was use to seeing everyday. 

 Movie night with MeMe

After coming to terms with what Doctor Bonner said. I began to research the Mayo Clinic. The Clinic in Jacksonville Florida seemed to be the most logical one to visit. This is how the appointments work: You submit a request for the appointment. You state all the problems you are having, how long it has been going on, all this in detail. They will get back with you in a timely fashion, and let you know what doctor you will see and when it will be. After submitting my request... all I could do was wait.
In the mean time I spoke to my advisors on what I should do about continuing school and trying to catch up. They all suggested I withdraw from the semester... If I didn't? I would either fail for missing days or just the simple fact by now I couldn't catch up. On March 28, 2011... I withdrew from MS with the help of Kaley. Not that she did that much but, she did document on her phone photos of me signing the papers. This wasn't something I wanted to remember. I am a planner... and yeah my life was pretty planned out too. So... Who's life was this? Because it clearly wasn't the one I had planned for myself. While in Starkville, I received a phone call from The Mayo Clinic of Jacksonville Florida. I was to see Doctor T. Pongdee, Allergist and Immunologist, on the 6th of April. I received a package in the mail on the instructions for my visit. WOW! Thats all I can say about that packet. For the next couple of days I spent filling out forms, getting every medical record from every doctor I've ever came in contact with, and also printing off pictures of my episodes leading up to this Mayo Clinic visit. While reading over the packet the instructions stated to stay off all medications leading up to this visit so that the allergy nurse could do proper testing. Well... I would try! One day off the medication this happened...

These are just a few of the photos... The others aren't allowed online! You can tell what they look like, But the thing you don't see is that they covered my entire body! YES! My entire body

What do you do when this happens on Saturday? Call the doctor in Florida anyways, This was an emergency. The lady at the emergency center directed me to his cell. I spoke to a real doctor on the phone and on the weekend... WOW! He had to be good. That is nearly impossible even during the week with most of the doctors around here. He assured me it would be fine if I took my medication until he could figure out what would be the best treatment for me. WHAT A RELIEF!!!! I would have looked like a full blown alien in a couple of days plus... I was in pain LOTS of it. Dr. Pongdee said he looked forward to seeing me and we ended the phone conversation. Moments later I received a phone call back from him asking if I could bring in photos of this episode and possibly a couple others, but only if I had them. Did I have them? I had tons.

The beginning and end of me and Doctor B

Wednesday with doctor B. We arrived at the clinic, about 30 minutes too early. So what else was there to do? Sit in the car and eat Chocolate cover donuts. After filling out countless paper work, which I had done numerous times these past months we waited. For what seemed like decades. Then the nurse calls us back… She checks my blood pressure and weight, which my now I wasn’t even looking to see how much I had gained. Then she placed us in a room… for us to only have to wait even longer. The nurse came in to tell us, “Sorry ma’am but we have no records on you from your previous doctor” OHHH DELIGHTFUL, I thought! More wait time… Then they found it. It was now time to see doctor. What was he going to do? What was he going to try? Something invasive? Was he going to remove my brain? In all seriousness… That’s how my mind was working these days.

Doctor Bonner came in to introduce himself, chat about some history, tell me to get on a paper gown and he would be back. As I laid flat on my back, he observed me… head to toe. He said, “These are just normal hives” Well yes they are what other kinds could they be? He ordered test to be ran, regular blood work ups with a few extras. We went through my medicine list; He changed up a couple of things. I was back to just Hydroxyzine and some allergy pills. Why was it that he took me off all these medicines when he needed to be adding more? Dr. B asked about my steroid use, which I answered as honest as I could. I DID NOT WANT TO BE ON THEM. In my mind clearly all they were helping was for me to gain tons of weight. When a doctor laughs about something you take seriously, its never good. He mentioned we could try weaning myself off steroids but, he knew id be back on them really soon. When you have been on steroids for such long periods you can just stop. Your body will almost go in to shock because, by now your body needs the steroids.

Next, we discussed the options that Dishuck suggested. The only one he was certain would work would be the Zolair. So he sent in the Zolair lady to talk with us. Not until then did we fully understand the extent of Zolair. The FDA, has approved Zolair for use in Asthma patients… Very severe cases. This doesn’t mean your insurance will cover it, it just means that you’re able to get it with a prescription, legally.  She gave us the spill about how Zolair is very affective in people with Urticaria, the medical term for hives. They have already gone through stage one of the trial. I could join the trail if I was a candidate. After almost an hour of discussing this trial, Come to find out until I’ve been off steroids for 30 days I was unable to join the study. Not just off steroids, but off all other medicines also. WAS THIS LADY CRAZY? How could I function without all my medicine? I was barely getting by as is. She left and the doctor came back. He began to dictate his notes into his recorder. Then he turns to me and says… ill see you back in a couple of weeks but, I think your cycle should run out by then, Its just a matter of time. A matter of time? What? It’s almost been 4 months of everyday episodes that seem to be getting worse by the day. I politely said okay! And make an appointment for 2 weeks.

It took every ounce of strength I had in me not to fall into tears in that waiting room. Just when you think someone is going to get you well, you get shot down again and again.

I was in no mood to drive so I handed my grandmother the keys. Not a word had been said since we left the office. We both sat in silence until my aunt called. By now it was past lunch and we had been there since 8. I’m sure everyone was worried, but I knew I couldn’t talk about it and surely wasn’t ready to call anyone and tell them the news. My grandmother tells my aunt a little bit of what happened and hands the phone to me. I immediately busted out into tears. I once again began to question why me? What is wrong with me? 

"Take problems as God's way to improve you. Remember, it takes a ton of pressure to make a diamond"

March 18 came and I was beginning to think this was never going to end. Like anything else it will run its course and go away. I think this is what the doctor hoped would happen also. We began talking about things we may have to do if nothing changed… but he was taking no action to help me anymore than he already had been, which clearly wasn’t working. After these 2 episodes Id had ENOUGH. I swore this would be my LAST visit to the ER. I’m not sure you can tell by the pictures but, It seemed to be that the hives started at my head, face area and worked now its working its way down…

My entire body was now extremely swollen... I could not even see my ankle bones I was that swollen. My body was in so much agony, rings wouldn't even fit my fat fingers. 

If I didn’t get the answers I wanted that Monday, I was going to go to someone else. I had heard all along that the best of the best was The Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville Florida. On that Monday, I brought my Me-Me with me to Tuscaloosa. Unsure if Dr. Dishuck would change my course of therapy.

After 15 minutes in a room, Dr. Dishuck, a tall skinny man walked in. When I say this man is tall I mean… You have to literally look up at him. He sat down on his stool and asked how I had been. I told him about these last episodes and he began his speech. This began with, “ I see hives everyday, but I have done all I can for you and there is nothing more I can do for you.” You can only imagine the things racing through my head by now. He goes on to tell me about Dr. Bonner in Birmingham. Dr. Bonner is someone who will try more risky methods he said. He gave me a list and an explanation of 3, Zolair… Tacrolimus… a drug used for gout. Dr. Bonner could see me on Wednesday at 8:00 am. Remember… it is still Monday, so we headed to Birmingham. We spent Tuesday shopping; eating cheesecake and talking about school, what the doctor would do, what he would look like? Just the normal things people would question when headed to the doctor. My cravings for every food in sight led my grandmother to give me speeches about how much sugar I was in taking. That night we went to see a movie… her pick HALL PASS. Just FYI DO NOT go and see this with your grandmother. My grandmother is one cool lady but full frontal nudity isn’t quite appropriate. 

"Light tomorrow with today." - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Grateful to you all

HAPPY 20^th SAMMI!!!

A late night trip with one of the people who never told me, suck it up your fine! K- believed that I would figure it out, not only did he believe that I would soon be “healed” but always reassured me when I became what I call “crazy”, That I was normal… I was beautiful after gaining 20 pounds and that he was always there. Its nice to have someone be there even when they didn’t understand exactly what to do, and weren’t worried about how scary I looked at moments. As a woman this isnt a easy thing to swallow, the fact I gained that much weight so quick… Especially me! I love clothes, Beautiful ones! And you better believe I have a closet full of clothes and shoes… By this time my clothes did not fit, neither did my shoes! I WAS THAT SWOLLEN. So getting dressed up to make the drive to Starkville to a party of all things, wasn’t exactly what I was looking forward too. My roommate during this time was the best, she was worried, sympothetic, helpful, and always there when I needed her, NO MATTER WHAT! So how could I not make that drive, even if it was just for the night. Still to this day I am Thankful GRATEFUL to K for helping, and listening when I needed someone most. 

Hive were by now something I learned to deal with... It wasn't any longer a shock when I woke up! I just began to think, Im going to just have to live with this forever. There is nothing anyone can do for me... Depressed much? I THINK SO! 

Im not a person who likes to share my feeling with anyone, and if i'm sick you better just stay out of my way. But, when it comes to my Mom I need her around. I may yell or get mad at her for worrying me to death but, it's always just been us two. I HAVE TO HAVE HER. She had moved to Mobile and had a new job... The person I need most wasn't near me! Who could I trust to be my rock and not fall apart when I needed to break down and cry. I soon found out that wasn't anyone... I went to every doctor's visit alone, every pharmacy drop off and pick up! ALONE... I hate when people worry about me. I would be fine... I would be. I could take care of all this by myself. Never have that mind set, you need your family you need their support and love. I finally came around to letting my MeMe Brenda come along and share this crazy experience with me. She was strong enough not to cry, and not to ask too many questions. :) The one thing that helped most was the constant laugher we had. If it was her reapplying lip stick over and over... or always having to "LOOK GOOD" something she says, you need to do all the time because you never know who you may run into. Whatever the moment was, she didn't make me feel helpless or like I should be consoling her. That was a nice feeling... 

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind."

 - Christian Larson